This Is Me Giving In
by TheDoctorAndSouffleGirl
Summary: A set of Whoufflé fics that come from a headcanon of the end of The Name of the Doctor. I'm hoping to write three from different perspectived, River, Clara and the Doctor. This is the first fic I have ever written, so I hope it is ok and you like it!
1. River

**Author's Note: Fanfic based on head canon after The Name of the Doctor. This is from River's perspective. I wrote this before I watched the episode, so it may not fit with the story entirely. Reviews are welcomed, but please be nice!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who (unfortunately!)**

* * *

River smiled sadly as she watched them, The Doctor, her Doctor, and Clara. She could see how his face lit up when he was with her, in a way it had never lit up for her. But she knew, deep down that he could never truly love her, she was born to kill him for heaven's sake. She had thought that he could never truly love anyone, that he was too broken to ever be fixed. He tried to hide it, with his ridiculous antics and enthusiasm. But she could see it. When he thought no-one was looking. She saw how that smile faded as he remembered. Remembered the sadness, remembered the loss. He looked so lost and alone in those moments. It broke her heart. She never wanted him to be lonely again. He had done so much good in the world. He saved people, planets, universes and he never asked for anything in return. Well, except perhaps a Jammie Dodger or six… He didn't deserve to be alone.

She knew she couldn't stay with him, no. After this she would never see him again. He had watched her die the first time he met her, and she saw how that hurt him. That he didn't know her to be there for her. But when she saw him with Clara, it gave her hope. Maybe he could be fixed. He could never forget, but maybe he could learn to trust, to love even. She could see he felt for her, but she also saw how his smile would suddenly darken as he turned to look at her. He felt guilty, he knew she loved him immensely and he couldn't bear for her to be upset. But that was why she had to give him this chance. She knew that sometimes, when you love something, the best thing you can do is set it free. She just wanted him to be happy. And she knew, deep inside, that that happiness would come from Clara.

* * *

River held the Doctor's hand in hers for the last time. So familiar, but also unfamiliar, the last time she saw him he had looked so different… She remembered all the times she had held that hand… She felt warm, salty tears beginning to well up. But she couldn't cry. Not here. Not now. She couldn't let him feel the slightest bit of guilt or misgiving. This was her chance to show him how much she cared. In her other hand she held Clara's, small and warm. She had grown to like her these past few days. Admired her bravery and quick thinking. She was surprised that she didn't feel jealous. After all, the Doctor was married to her… But she couldn't dislike the girl who made her Doctor so happy, who could, if only for a few minutes at a time, make him forget and make his eyes shine with such intense happiness. She could never begrudge him the chance to forget. She knew what it was like to live with terrible memories… To kill the man she loved, knowing she was born to do just that? It was hard to live with that. But his memories were so much worse. To feel responsible for wiping out your whole species? She would never understand how he managed to keep going with that. No, she couldn't begrudge him the one thing that might begin to heal those wounds, help lighten the burden.

She pressed their hands together and she swore she felt the electricity between them.

"Hold hands and never let go. Not ever. You hear me? Clara, look after him. Don't let him leave you behind. Stay with him. Doctor, protect this girl with your life. Don't let her go. She is special."

"I know." He said. "I have always known. Right from the start. Clara, my Clara. The impossible girl… I didn't know why… I just knew…"

"Go on Clara." River whispered softly, "He needs you. You were born to save him. Save him from himself, his lonely existence. You are the one who can."

Clara smiled at her then, a genuine, thankful smile. River couldn't help but smile to herself. Knowing she had done the right thing, however hard it was. She let their hands go then and Clara practically threw herself into the Doctor's arms. He was so surprised that he nearly fell over, ever clumsy, as usual, but to cover it up by spinning Clara around in a crazy circle, as she laughed. He laughed too, leaning into her.

"Oh Clara, my Clara, beautiful, fragile, brave Clara…"

He was cut off as she pulled him into a kiss. River couldn't help but laugh, a little sadly, at his face. So surprised! But unlike every other time he had been kissed, his arms didn't flail around awkwardly, but found their way to Clara's face, caressing her ever so tenderly, as he began to return the kiss. River smiled, it was a bittersweet moment. She loved seeing the Doctor glow as he was now, like he did for only one person in the world. But she knew, as she felt herself fading, that this was the last time she'd ever see him. Her husband, her friend, her Doctor.

This was her giving in, giving in to reality. Resigning herself to the fact that she would never see him again. Giving in to the fact that Clara was his impossible girl, not her.

River Song, who was born to kill the Doctor. Clara Oswald, who was born to save him.


	2. Clara

**Author's note: I'm pretty sure this chapter is nowhere near as good as the last one :( Please review! All constructive criticism and ideas to improve welcome! xxx**

**Disclaimer: Regrettably, I do not own Doctor Who **

* * *

When she was with her Doctor, Clara felt the happiest she had been since her Mum had died. In was an almost tangible feeling that bubbled away inside her. She loved their adventures. The running, the adrenaline... The near death experiences were always a down side, but she didn't care. She knew the Doctor would always find her. Just like her Mum said she would. She didn't know why she trusted this mad, wonderful man so implicitly. She just… did.

Recently though, with River around, he seemed distracted, unsettled. She didn't understand why. She gathered they had been close and that River had died (that still freaked her out a little…) but she knew no details. That was one of the Doctor's many secrets. And he did have so many. Sometimes Clara realised just how little she knew about him, his past, and that scared her. Made her feel so very small and insignificant. Made her realise that his time with her was just a fraction of his life, and how weak and useless she must seem to him. Of course, she never told anyone about these feelings. That wasn't Clara. Clara kept every single emotion under close guard, showing the world what she wanted it to see.

There were other feelings too. Most of the time she tried to suppress them. But sometimes they simply overflowed. In those moments where they reached for each other's hands without thinking. The gentle touches, the accidental brushes… She would meet his eyes and smile, and he would smile back. In those moments she felt like the luckiest girl alive. She knew she shouldn't feel this way. She had promised herself not to let her emotions out. She had to be the strong one. Since her Mum had dies, that mask hadn't slipped, except in those private moments, where everything was too much, and she just had to let some of the tears out. But when she was with the Doctor, all pretences seemed to slip away. She couldn't hide it. He always knew. However hard she tried to hide her emotions, they always seemed to leak out at the most inappropriate of moments. And she hated that. That was why she had made him come for her every Wednesday. She didn't think she could cope with letting someone see past her mask. But now… With all that they had been through in these last few days… Well, all bets were off.

* * *

Clara was in the console room with River and the Doctor. River was standing them, holding one of their hands in each of hers. Confused, Clara watched as she saw River's eyes brim with tears. She was trying to work out what was going on. She didn't think River really liked her all that much. She had always seemed so distant, almost resentful. But now she looked so genuinely upset... Suddenly, Clara felt a jerk as River pressed her hand into the Doctor's, saying,

"Hold hands and never let go. Not ever. You hear me? Clara, look after him. Don't let him leave you behind. Stay with him. Doctor, protect this girl with your life. Don't let her go. She is special."

Clara's mind was reeling. What was going on? Why was all this happening? She faintly heard the Doctor saying:

"I know. I have always known. Right from the start. Clara, my Clara. The impossible girl… I didn't know why… I just knew…"

Clara's mind was still desperately trying to catch up. She saw the Doctor's face, so absurdly childlike as his eyes filled with tears as he looked down at her. She felt her eyes brimming too. She didn't know why… Then she realised what she had been denying all along. Love. Genuine and pure, she hadn't recognised it. Hadn't wanted too. It signified some deeper feeling that had scared her, but now she wanted it. But she didn't know what to do, River, was watching. . River, of course, she had loved him too! Clara looked over at her.

"Go on Clara." River whispered softly, "He needs you. You were born to save him. Save him from himself, his lonely existence. You are the one who can."

Clara smiled at River then, putting all the thanks and gratitude she could into it. River had given her permission for Clara to do what she knew, deep down, she had to do. What she _wanted_ to do. She ran towards the Doctor, her Doctor, flinging herself into his arms. Laughing as he stumbled, turning it into a shriek as he spun her around in a crazy whirl, both laughing now he returned both her feet to the floor. Clara looked up into his face, now seeing the love in his eyes. She hadn't noticed it there before. She wondered how. It was such a difference from those sad, yet hopeful eyes she had first seen on her doorstep not so long ago. She was alight with happiness.

"Oh Clara, my Clara, beautiful, fragile, brave Clara…"

She heard him whisper, before she, on an impulse, leant in and kissed him. Not like the kisses on the forehead like he had given her before (though she loved those too!) but a deep, passionate kiss. She felt him stiffen in surprise at her sudden move, and prepared herself for the customary flailing, but, much to her surprise, that never came. She felt him relax and begin to kiss her back, his hands finding her face and caressing it. Clara shivered, in that moment she felt such sheer ecstasy, she thought she might burst.

This was her giving in. Giving into her feelings, what she had known all along. Allowing her mask to slip away and reveal her true feelings. Her true self. It felt good not to have to pretend anymore. No more lies or pretences. At least, not for her Doctor, he had enough secrets of his own to count for both of them.

Clara Oswald, born to save the Doctor, her Doctor.


End file.
